Q: What is the No Contact Rule?
A: The No Contact Rule is essentially refraining from all forms of communication with your ex. This means no visiting, calling, text messaging or emailing your ex. Even if your ex has said they’d like to be friends, if you follow the No Contact Rule, you would still refrain from being in touch with your ex for at least one month to help you both heal from the break up.
Q: Why does the No Contact Rule work?
A: Regardless of the reason for the break up, what your ex really needs right now is time away from you. Sometimes break ups happen because one person needs time to think and figure out their life but they can’t do it from within the relationship. They may end up thinking the relationship is the cause when really, they just needed some time alone. The No Contact Rule gives your ex the time and space they need to reevaluate their life.
The No Contact Rule works by also giving your ex a chance to miss you. If you keep showing up, they won’t have the chance to appreciate what they have lost. And they will get the benefit of having you in their life without the commitment.
When you follow the No Contact Rule, your ex may be a bit shocked at first that you took them seriously and phone to see if you are ok. Remember, you are not trying to get back at them by stopping contact–this is someone you want back in your life some day. So be polite but firm when you remind them that it is best for both of you to not be in touch for a while.
Q: Will the No Contact Rule work if I’ve already made the mistake of being in touch?
A: Yes, it will work. If you’ve already made the mistake of contacting your ex, then apply the No Contact Rule immediately. And do not call your ex to say that you are going to leave them alone. They may be skeptical and think you are trying to manipulate them, or that it is just a phase you’re going through. Instead, you want to appear as if you’ve vanished off the face of the earth.
Q: What am I supposed to do in the meantime?
A: During this time away from your ex, it is a great opportunity to look at your life and see if there is anything that could use some improvement. Are there any projects or interests you put on the back burner during your relationship? Now is the perfect time to dust off old hobbies or start some new ones. Could you benefit from taking better care of your body? Cleaning up your diet and getting in shape can do wonders for your confidence, health and self-esteem. And you can bet your ex will notice you when they see you looking healthy and toned.
This is also the perfect time to get to know yourself. It is important to connect with friends and family, but resist the temptation to just fill up your time with activity to keep busy. Getting used to your own company is invaluable. Focus on your own thoughts and feelings and write them down if that appeals to you. Listen to music. Read. Take time to think about what you want to create in your life. The more solid you are in your own life, the more likely you will be to succeed in any relationship.