Did your girlfriend recently break up with you and now you want her back? Can you hardly sleep at night because you are riddled with thoughts of what she’s doing or who she’s seeing? Break ups cause major emotional turmoil. If you want to know how to get a girl to want you back, keep reading.
How to Get A Girl to Want You Back: Minds Do Not Change from the Outside
You can’t really change someone’s mind. This is something they must do and it happens through their own realizations and only when they are ready. Regardless of how great your argument is, or how persuasive your approach, the more you try to change your girlfriend’s mind, the more she will feel that you are not really hearing her or that you do not value her needs. The more you try to convince her, the more you will be met with resistance. The best thing to do if you want know how to get a girl to want you back is accept what she has said without trying to change it or fix it. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with it, but that you show her you are willing to respect her feelings, even though you may not totally understand them.
How to Get A Girl to Want You Back: Use the No Contact Rule
The next thing is regarding contact. Generally, if your ex girlfriend has broken up with you or asked for time apart, it is best to give her space. If you are having trouble with that, consider the No Contact Rule. This basically means stopping all forms of communicating with your ex. No emails or texts or phonecalls. No flowers or gifts sent to her office. You may be afraid if you don’t get her back now, she’ll move on, find someone else and be gone from your life forever. The problem is, the more you pursue her, the faster you’ll push her away. So even if your first reaction is to call and plead with her to take you back, take a deep breath and pause. Do not follow through. Give yourself at least a month before you contact her. This is for you as much as it is for her. It will help to give you perspective and let your emotions settle.
How to Get A Girl to Want You Back: Needing, Wanting and Loneliness
During this time away from your ex, it is a perfect opportunity to examine the attitudes, beliefs and behaviors that contributed to the break up. This is essential if you want to get her back and actually keep her. Whatever dynamic caused the break up in the first place will still be there if one of you does not make a shift in some way. All you can do is work on your part of the equation.
A good thing to look at is the difference between needing and wanting. Needing really has to do with survival. Needing a roof over your head. Needing food and water. But when you say you need someone, as in needing them in order to be happy, you are asking for the impossible. It puts a lot of pressure on another person to be responsible for your happiness and it really doesn’t work. Only you can make yourself happy. And the truth is, you don’t need them. You may want them, but you can survive on your own.
Once you know how to make yourself happy and take responsibility for that, wanting someone or something is fine. You can want to be in someone’s company. You can enjoy them. Desire them. Feel love for them. With wanting, there is still the understanding that you may not get what you want. That is part of life. You don’t always get what you want. Life will go on and you will survive. There is something very attractive about being in the presence of someone who knows this and appreciates what they do have.
The same thing is true for loneliness. It is easy to think that the loneliness you feel when your ex is not there is because of them. But loneliness is part of the human condition. You can just as easily be lonely in someone’s presence as you can without them. So it really comes down to getting to know who you are when you are alone and developing a relationship with your own self. The more comfortable you become being alone, the less needy you will be in relationship. If you want to know how to get a girl to want you back, get to know yourself.