Do you find yourself thinking “my relationship is falling apart” because of jealousy? Perhaps your girlfriend has many male friends and it drives you crazy. Or someone at the office that she spends a lot of time with. You love your girlfriend and you trust her, but you are having a hard time controlling your jealousy. If this sounds anything like you, you could benefit from reading this article.
Q: My relationship is falling apart because my jealousy is driving my girlfriend away. What can I do to make things better?
A: Jealousy can tear a couple apart if it’s not addressed right away. Your girlfriend might feel as if you don’t trust her– when in fact you just feel threatened by a male co-worker. Unless your girlfriend has given you any indication she’s actually cheating on you, your feeling of jealousy is very likely a sign of your own lack of self-esteem and confidence. This is where you’re going to have to work on yourself. You can’t control your girlfriend’s feelings, thoughts or desires. The more you try to control her feelings or behaviors, the more you will push her away and who knows… you might push her into the arms of what you feared the most.
Q: If my relationship is falling apart because of my lack of self-esteem and confidence, then what should I do?
A: You need to take a good look at yourself. This means taking an inventory of your good qualities and learn to appreciate yourself for who you are. Think about what gives you true satisfaction and happiness (other than your relationship.) Hang out with friends that you feel good around or join a class you’ve been wanting to take. Is there anything in your life that you’ve been putting off or feel could use some improvement? If so, look at making that happen. Go out and join a gym or take up a yoga class.
Whenever you choose something that contributes to your health and well-being, you will build self-esteem and confidence and you are less likely to feel threatened by someone else. Comparing yourself with an illusive other or trying to become someone that you are not to please your girlfriend will only backfire. The key to most successful relationships is when each person knows who they are and what is important to them in life.
Q: If my relationship is falling apart, how will focusing on self-improvement change anything?
A: Whatever you do to take care of yourself will help the relationship. On a physical level, the healthier you are, the more attractive you will be and the more energy you will bring to the relationship. On a psychological level, the more you understand your reactions and unconscious habits, the faster you will be able to reverse a negative cycle.
How often do you catch yourself thinking or saying, ”my relationship is falling apart” instead of wondering what you can do to turn it around? What you put your attention on has great power, so it is important to notice what negative attitudes you may be reinforcing with your words. Try thinking instead about the quality of relationship you would like to have and what it would take to make that happen. Very often this involves a shift in perspective and attitude. It may mean having to admit that you were wrong about something. Once you are willing to see what is really true about the situation, rather than what fits your familiar beliefs, things can start to change in surprising ways.